Anxious attachment style dating
This person leaves without providing an explanation.
You feel a slight surge of anxiety as you try to figure out why the person behaved that way.
Based on the size of the US population, there are presently more than 47 million Americans who have anxious attachment styles.
That means that if you don’t have this personality style then you are most likely in relationships with people who do.
Top attachment researchers Mario Mikulincer and Phillip Shaver look at this style as reflecting a “hyper-activation” of the attachment system wherein the person’s social-threat-detection apparatus is always stuck in the on position.
Modern brain imaging research confirms this statement, in finding that those brain structures that pick up on threat cues from the environment (e.g., the amygdala) are actually larger in people with anxious attachment styles.
Imagine the following scene: You are having an interaction with a close friend or significant other which ends with that person being rather distant and dismissing with you for no apparent reason.
So, if you have this style, you are likely to pick up readily on subtle emotional cues from others, experience strong emotional reactions, take a long time to come down from those reactions, and ruminate and have your thoughts hijacked while you are activated.
Your thoughts then tell you that you have to fix the situation and you enact behaviors to do just that.
Most people will figure out their own stuff, get over it on their own, and re-engage with you when they are ready…if you can back off long enough to give them the chance, that is.
So, if it wasn’t that big of a deal from a rational perspective, then what was it?