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We’ve scrupulously avoided lying, but the omission is pretty misleading…) My boyfriend’s ex is sober and reliable if not particularly interested in being accommodating, so our challenges with making time for each other are more about being a long-distance relationship than about parenting responsibilities.

We went from dating other people to monogamous pretty much from the first date; the other milestones are well behind that “natural timeline.” It occurs to me that I should have one of these talks with my SO not because I’m excited to get married again but because I know he’s open to the idea and I should probably be careful that I’m not stringing him along.

He has allowed me to forge an affectionate relationship with his kids but has emphasized to them that I’m a high school buddy.

(I’m amazed the sixth grader didn’t catch on when I joined them for a weekend vacation with other families last summer, and I’m a little nervous both kids will feel we’ve been dishonest with them once they figure it out.

I want a boyfriend that is able to invest in a serious relationship with me.

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When we are together things are easy and fun, just as they should be!

I can also assure you that there are millions more who have found a way to make things work in a second marriage, so if this guy can’t give you what you need, don’t be afraid of looking elsewhere for a man who can.

Please come back and let us know what transpires, okay? I too am dating a perfect-for-me man who is a divorced dad I’ve been friends with for decades.

I have learned so much about what it means to be in a giving relationship in these four months, and he has been such a remarkable teacher of that. I think it’s always instructive for women to hear from other women that, despite all the frustrations you’ve had with dating and relationships prior to today, you don’t believe that “men” are the problem, and that, in fact, in this one instance, your boyfriend’s ex-wife was the weak link.

But, I want more at this point, and I don’t know if it’s a simple case of needing to be more patient to let things grow organically…if I just need to see things as they are and say that my needs aren’t being met and re-evaluate. This is far more common than we see here – specifically because most of the questions I post are from women complaining about men.

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